Friday, November 12

For One Horrible Moment

Glory be to the cocaine-addled Recommissioning Editor at Channel 4, because tonight the glorious Peep Show returns to our screens (and the first series is currently running on BBC America. Discerning Yankees, I envy you your virginity - re this show).

Ah, stay those trumpets a while. The link. Hmmm. Well, that's to a review of the new Bridget Jones movie. No, I've not lost my fucking mind. Bear with me - and I'll tell you someone who has.

I have sort of snorted my way through both books (or are they now a triptych - a veritable Swis Roll of prose?) for one of the following reasons:

They really are a rollicking good read.

They're so true to life it hurts.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I get tired of listening to incessant bullshit and feel the need to rip apart a young woman's tiny mind and make her cry.

I will say this: I preferred the first movie to the first book. If I remember correctly, Andrew Davies added a certain jouissance in the film version that was lacking in the source material: namely that, like all good girls nowadays, Bridget's not averse to taking it up the arse.

Indeed, in society, the act has become a necessary part of the premarital resumé: "Have you tried anal?" Tick that box!

The review alludes to the fact that this aspect of contemporary mores is present and correct in the new movie.

Of the movie, I'll also note that I watched Parkinson last Saturday (I was visiting family - Oh yes I was! Forgive me, I know full well: there really is no excuse for watching such schlock) - and sat and stared and listened to Renée Zellwegger as she plugged and plugged away . . .

And everybody in the room, including my mother, thought: She IS out of her fucking mind. And, What's with those Chinese eyes? And - okay, me alone here: What the hell is Jack White doing with her - if he still is? Is he?

Anyway, the review is written by Peter Bradshaw, who now hacks a fat crust as the primary film critic of the Guardian (or is it still Derek Malcolm?); but before he suckled up to fortune's voluptuous tit, he once wrote and narrated a fantastic comedy series that came out on Radio 4, called For One Horrible Moment. And oh, someone in TV land, this could have been - and still could be, still could be! - this generation's Ripping Yarns.

Get to it, Channel 4. Meanwhile, thank you for leading us up to the season of wankery with at least one grace note: Peep Show. However, I must still ask this: where's the fucking DVD of the first series? Get to it!*

PS: My American friends, I note that the Zach Braff (what a name!) ego trip Garden State is about to open in London. Is it any good? What I mean is, will a woman willingly bend over after seeing it, having been suitably dilated - even if she is pillow-dreaming that the filthy, lusting gardener tending to her soil is not me but Zach?

Oh come now, everybody: that's something we all do. All the time. I bet even Vanessa Paradis occasionally envisions the porcine attentions of her straight-from-central-casting local boucher . . . while Johnny Depp goes about the business of doing what all good Americans used to do: namely, dying in Paris.

* STOP PRESS: The very beast is unleashed next week. Thank you. And it's yours for £15 courtesy of Amazon UK; and while you're getting that, I'd take advantage of the Big Train offer - both series for the same price, and Brass Eye, going for half that.

Now: where's my cocking puns?


posted by DD @ 06:21 


Blogger Mel Mega said...

Hey, thanks for your visit to my humble abode (uh, Blog). You are hysterical and I choked on my nugget while laughing about Renee and Jack. Hee.

Anyway, while your obsession on "taking it up the arse' frightens me a little (although, it would seem that every male I have ever met in my ENTIRE life is obsessed with it, so you are not alone), I do have to say that Garden State is definitely worth it. And had I actually had a date when I went to see it (as opposed to being the creepy single girl with a hot dog, giant coke, and huge bag of Snickers Poppables surrounded by lovey-dovey happy couples) I most likely would've bent over for him. Of course any guy who will fork over the big bucks and take me to a movie will put me in the mood. Add dinner and I would wear a costume! hee hee! Kidding of course, I would never...

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