Friday, October 29

The Jeanne Zelasko Blues

Well.

I still feel elated after Wednesday night: I, a fly-by-night supporter compared to the diehards of Red Sox Nation. They must feel like they're walking round with a head full of magic mushrooms . . . yeah, some Big Pappies, baby.

Well.

First of all I have to eat a whole lot of grateful humble for when I clanged the bells of doom right here, after the calamity of that Saturday night. And now I know that the Pixies lyric in my head was the wrong one too - it should have been

"You know: when you grope for lunar!"

Well. The eclipse came. We hit the clubs: what ass, I was hoping to have her in the sack; I was looking handsome, she was looking like an erotic vulture . . . So I did. I took my baby to the carwash and she had the full service. And I still made the first pitch of the game.

Hey, what can I say (plenty . . . but): I'm fast; I'm thorough - and I'm trying hard he here not to turn playground puerile.

One thing. Yesterday, I did the whole thing all over again, and watched the game all over again - just to make sure!

Yep: no complaints.

Backtracking some . . . An observation or two about South Kensington. Now South Ken is not somewhere I usually float my boat, but some friends were stashing away a few prior to the mash up between Chelsea and West Ham, so I joined them for a while.

South Ken is like a little bit of Paris in London: all these grand old public buildings (eg the Natural History Museum), grand old streets full of grand old white (Georgian?) houses - and the Institute Francais is there too, which means you encounter an unusual amount of French accents and French-speaking on the streets. Indeed the two people I asked for directions to this secreted little boozer were French - and no, they didn't have a clue, as per.

Also, it's absolutely teeming with au pairs / foreign students - only equalled in terms of perving points by Picadilly and Leicester Square.

I'm sure that all sorts of shenanigans take place behind those repectable facades, but outwardly it's all too refined for me: I prefer a splash of vulgar; some murk, some grime. In short, I need the buzz!

So South Ken was okay. Best little bit of banter: the fact that one guy's wife's favourite word was abstain. "Abstain! Abstain!" From deviant sexual practices, naturally - like the ones doubtless taking place in the airy rooms of the mini-mansions opposite us. Me? I'm pure, as you know.

Fast-forwarding some . . . As I watched the game a second time via MLB.com, I sat through a slew of American ads. Now I think you can tell a lot about a culture from its adverts, TV or otherwise. And a number of things struck me as being noticeably different than they are here in Blighty.

Straight off the bat, I picked up that the people in US ads are much more ethnically diverse than here: it's like the bleeding UN! Brothers, Chinks, Wops, Spics, Curry Chuddlers . . . though, it has to be said, still predominantly Wasps. And I lost count of the plastic-fantastic choozies on display . . . and cue Jeannne Zelasko.

Well . . . not quite yet.

The ads themselves probably reflected the target audience of those watching baseball - and prepared to watch baseball on FOX (is there any choice? I don't know) - the main link above has one guy's opinion on their whiffy coverage of the hallowed World Series. Of the ads, there were two main types: those for wheels (I swear, there were so damn many it struck me that this channel must be some kind of autophiliacs' dream) and those for insurance, including, of course, insurance for your precious wheels.

If I may here's a quick roll call:

The best actor in an ad: has to be Badger the dog in the Mastercard series.

The best ad I saw: either DHL or the one about the Grown Man Meal deal.

The biggest load of yarbles: the Bank of America - hands down. But a dishonourable mention for AOL - and that mother.

The smuggest gits: a three-way tie (at least) involving - again - the head honcho of Bank of America; the Taco Muncher, and the Dad in the Honda Pilot ad who wants to take his beloved wheels to "the next level". Oh - now I remember, the IBM guys (incidentally, that's the only one of the ads I saw which gets aired over here).

The most worrying ad: the life insurance one with the two young lolitas (friends or sisters) predicting the future for each other eg "She'll be a singer, a dancer, or a lawyer . . . cause she talks a lot." All I can say is who know what they're gonna be, but to me right now they're a pedophile's wet dream.

Ah, wet dreams, wet dreams. Now I can get to Jeanne. That's Genie. Genie! Jeanne Zelasko. For research I googled her and landed here. Is it me, or has she changed? (By the by, are they still married? And who on Earth calls their son Trevor nowadays?) I think she's part of some new breed: I have used the old Blade Runner term replicant before, but I have another one; that she's American Anime.

Pure American Anime.

Keep her out of the sun, goddammit - or she'll melt!

Her dress sense is American too - and no, that's NOT a good thing.

And, to quote a phrase, I'm not so sure she's capable of 'thinking outside the bun'. (Oh - that ad plays here too.)

Okay: to finish here's one more roll-call, the one that matters:

JOHNNY DAMON
ORLANDO CABRERA
MANNY RAMIREZ
PAPI ORTIZ
JASON VARITEK
BILL MUELLER
TROT NIXON
KEVIN MILLAR
MARK BELHORN
POKEY REESE
DOUG MENTKIEWICZ
DAVE ROBERTS
GABE KAPLER
DOUG MIRABELLI
CURT SCHILLING
PEDRO MARTINEZ
DEREK LOWE
TIM WAKEFIELD
BRANSON ARROYO
MIKE TIMLIN
ALAN EMBREE
KEITH FOULKE
CURT LESKANIC
MIKE MYERS
RAMIRO MENDOZA

Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Link

posted by DD @ 13:47 

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