Wednesday, October 13

The Future Dictionary of America

McSweeney's: Mcshite.

As the great Sir Kingsley Amis would have put it, "Woe betide any berk or wanker who finds any of this stuff remotely funny."

Oh yes, my foul mood continues.

Again, I suppose spewing out cheap shot shit like this is better than letting these dummies deforestate rain forests to bring us the latest clump of their oeuvre.

Some of the usual suspects are also here letting you poor undecided know why they're voting for Kerry. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes: you know who you are. Now be told.

It's sad to see Jonathan Franzen contributing to both these links, particularly the dicktionary (sic), as he's the only writer involved who probably will be read and admired once Judge Time has had his say - thirty, fifty, a hundred years hence.

As I have been known to compile these sorts of things on my own (see GREAT YARBLES OF LONDON) I have one to insert into this future dictionary:

franzen : when inside (behind) every doctored profile image there's a fatter version dying to get out. Use as in, "Oh yeah, I got all my photos franzened: let's face it, honey, truth is you might as well hang the sign Waffle Waitress around my goose neck and be done with it." Or, as I heard on CNBC only the other day, "That's not Ann Coulter; if so, she's been franzened."

You know, I don't think I'm alone in quickly reaching the conclusion that Dale Peck is a self-mythologizing cocksucking cunt, but when you come across the assembled guff of the whole sick crew, you can't help thinking that he's got a point when he tells just about all of them to walk the plank . . . and keep walking.

And I don't think I'm alone in imagining Saul Bellow, John Updike, Philip Roth, Don DeLillo and Richard Ford looking behind them along the Great American Way for some fresh-legged, mint-minded competition and wondering, "Where the hell are they? Can't see anybody . . .

. . . "Oh, wait a minute - what's that frizzled thing sitting on the roadside, to the left?"

"Nah, that's just Norman: he's all puffed out. Fuck him."


posted by DD @ 18:05 


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